Hey guys, how y'all doing? I cannot believe that it has been over a week since I last posted! I feel so horrible that I've left y'all hanging. It's just been so hectic 'cus we've only had the internet back up for the past few days and then I've been so busy juggling work and back to school errands that I haven't had time to think much less blog. But I promise that I will get back on my regular schedule and I won't abandon y'all again.
Well, I missed the P's for the Pagan Blog Project and I will get to those, but I want to skip on ahead to the Q's. Actually this one could technically be both, so I guess this post is me minding my "Ps & Qs". That was a really dorky joke...but I like it :).
So the thing is that I am still living with my parents and my older brother, the problem is that they don't know I'm pagan. Oh they know certain aspects of me being pagan: like I'm extremely eco-friendly and I am in to magick and fey. But they don't realize that it is more than recycling or thinking Tinkerbell is awesome (which I do). They don't know that I actually think the Earth is alive and sentient or that I believe that magick and the fey are real and not myth.
The main issue is that it is hard for me to keep secrets from my family, especially when it is something I'm not ashamed of. See most people would think I haven't told them because I am ashamed, but I am not. The reason I haven't told them is for one, I am worried about their reactions. My family isn't real religious (they don't go to church or say daily prayers or anything like that) but my dad does have the whole superstitious aspect of Christianity. He thinks tattoos are the "mark of the beast" (I have a tattoo by the way and he does know about that), that the bad economy is a sign of the apocalypse, and that black cats can actually put a curse on you. So telling him I'm a wytch might not go over so well. My brother is an enigma, again he doesn't go to church but he does believe saying God's name in vain is a sin and other things like that. So I have no clue what he would think. But they really aren't the main problem. The one I'm really worried about is my mom. Me and her are really close and we have been since I was little. She was raised Methodists but she hasn't gone to church in years. She has even told me that she doesn't think that there is one right way as far as faith and that as long as you believe in something you are okay. But would she really accept me if I told her that I worship a dual divinity and that I practice magick. To have her turn her back on me would be devastating for me and I'm not sure I would be able to handle that. But I don't like keeping secrets from her, it feels unnatural and I have never kept a secret from her (some of you might not believe that, but it is true I have told her EVERYTHING: getting drunk, making out with the wrong guy, etc. she knows it all).
It really hit me today when my mom was checking the mail and an ad came to me from a pagan supply store. However, she didn't know it was for me because it was addressed to Phoenix Starfire and not my real name. So she asked my dad and my brother if they knew what is was and they said no. Then she asked me if I knew and I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to lie and say that it wasn't mine or that it was sent to us by mistake. I thought about just telling her it was mine and then going from there, but that voice in the back of my mind that knows all my fears and deepest thoughts decided to speak up and I lost the nerve and just told her I didn't know.
So now I am left feeling sick and frustrated and angry at myself. How can I truly accept who I am when I hide it from those closest to me? I can I show love to my deities when my actions suggest I am ashamed? I am just denying myself when I deny them the truth. I am just so lost and confused.
So I want to ask y'all your opinions. How did y'all go about telling your friends and family? Did you write out talking points or did you just go with your gut? Did you talk to all of them together or did you go at it one-on-one? And please don't say that I don't have to "come out" to my family and that I shouldn't worry about it. I know that telling them is not mandatory, but it is affecting me and my path negatively. Therefore it is a necessity and a priority for me and I would really appreciate y'alls advice.